Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Emotional water table

I live in Calgary Alberta, for those of you who don't know me.

Earlier this year we had a pretty significant flood.

It rained a lot more than usual this spring and when the water came rushing in with the river, there was no where for the water to go.

The city struggled, homes were evacuated, then the water recessed and people went home. To assess the damage, and save what they could.

Then about 2 weeks later, there was a heavy rainstorm and some areas of the city flooded again. Because the water table was still so high. The water had nowhere to go.

That's how grief is. The bad thing happens, and you mourn. Then slowly you start to rebuild. You take your life back one second at a time.

But the water table is still high. All it takes is a little rain, and you are flooded. Your emotions are like the water, right there near the surface . They seem like they have recessed but the grief will never be gone.

Most days, I don't cry. Not a lot anyway, not like at first. Many days I have fun with my friends. We laugh and talk about the future. Someone's wedding. Someone's job. it makes me feel like things are piecing  back together. But all it takes is one little thing. Sometimes it is the stroller we had ordered. Sometimes it's a pregnant lady. Sometimes it's the babies Oliver was supposed to know. His friends, who will grow up without him. And that's all it takes to cause a flood.