I spent my first mother's day delivering a baby I would never get to know. 3 years ago I thought that mother's day would be forever tarnished by our loss. By losing Oliver.
We were lucky and a year later I didn't have to spend the day childless. Elliot was just a few months old, sweet and wonderful he saved us and brought back the joy, but I wasn't ready yet to celebrate. Better to spend the day on quiet reflection, and the bittersweet knowledge that my sons are mutually exclusive. It felt like celebrating Elliot was letting his day go too soon.
Last year we celebrated quietly, on a picnic with friends who understood. We visited Oliver's memorial tree and celebrated his birthday a few days later.
This year I felt like I could separate things. The family we have with 2 beautiful children, as well as the community of mothers that I'm incredibly lucky to be a part of is something that feels like celebrating. On the 12 th we will morn Oliver, but I decided that today is about celebrating motherhood and family.