Monday, September 16, 2013

Do you have any kids?

Do I have any kids?

It is the most loaded question anyone can ask these days. It seems harmless. People ask me places like work. I'm new. Do I want to bring up my son on the way into a meeting? No. So I say no.

And then a little part of me feels like I am betraying him. I want to say yes. His name was Oliver. He was 31 weeks when he died and I miss him every day.

I have told a few coworkers that I have gotten to know. He isn't a secret. Given the opportunity I would talk about him constantly, but I can tell that it makes people uncomfortable, and I don't want that for Oliver. I don't want people to think I'm talking about him so that people will feel sorry for me. I hear myself when I mention him, and I don't think people realize that I'm a mother. I want to talk about my son. How much he looked like my husband. He was so tall. We had so many hopes for him.

I would love to say to my coworkers yes I had a son. Let me tell you all about him. Like you I am a mom who loves to tell you about her child. But for now I will say no. And reach up and touch my locket and know that I will never forget him.

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