Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Dear Oliver,

Dear Oliver,
This week is not going well for me or your daddy. We both miss you so much, that it makes everything worse.

Before we lost you I was an optimist. I would say relentlessly positive. I tried to find the good in everything. I always thought that if I worked hard and did the right thing that things would work out. That it would all be ok.

And then we lost you. Now I am afraid if everything. I'm afraid of losing anyone else that I love. I have never really lost anyone before. I had no idea it could happen so fast and be so sudden. It makes everything seem more fragile and it is terrifying.

Before you died, I was looking forward to everything. I couldn't wait to show you everything. And now I feel like you have touched all of those things and they just make me sad. You were supposed to be a stampede baby. I was going to plan huge birthday parties for you and take you on summer trips with your friends.

We were going to go to the lake, and take you sledding and go on walks and enjoy every second of every day. And now all those things remind me of you. When I see the bike at the store that I wanted to buy for you, or the park we were going to go to every day, it just makes me feel like my world is over. Everything I wanted is gone,

I will miss you every day for the rest of my life.

Love mama

3 comments:

  1. You are an optimist Tova and that optimism will help you move forward and dream of the positive things that will happen to you and David in the future. If Oliver was old enough he would tell you that he would not want you to be sad about him forever but to remember the good things about being pregnant with him. He would want you to not allow his memory to hold you back. That is love.

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  2. You are an optimist Tova and that optimism will help you move forward and dream of the positive things that will happen to you and David in the future. If Oliver was old enough he would tell you that he would not want you to be sad about him forever but to remember the good things about being pregnant with him. He would want you to not allow his memory to hold you back. That is love.

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  3. All your angel baby ever knew was love, for you and david loved him with all of you. He was apart of you then, now, and in the future. You will never be the same because of him, but I count that as good because even in this sadness you continue on in love for him to help others. And that is amazing.

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